avoidance

I haven't skated since Houston. Not once. Right after Houston I needed a break because of school just starting and I've been working very hard. Since then, though, I've pretty much just been avoiding skating all together. I miss it terribly, but I was so frustrated with everything I just need to make some decisions. I've had all these goals and I don't feel like I'm anywhere near reaching them. Or even getting closer. My sister hasn't been able to commit to a time for a lesson for me. Her afternoon sessions are completely booked and she's not doing morning sessions. Even the session that I could count on for her last year she has booked another student on. So I'm not sure what to do. I'm kind of leaving it up to her. If she wants to fit me in, then she will. I've been feeling for a long time like I haven't been improving like I feel I should/could and I feel like that's because I don't have consistent lessons. It is indescribably frustrating to watch all these kids working on their axels when I was able to do my singles consistently way before they could. I finally got one lesson on the harness this summer, but that was only after I broke down crying on a freestyle. Also, me failing that test was related to a lack of coaching. I did one of my patterns wrong and I had no idea. I felt good about it until I skated over to my sister and she told me I did it wrong. She had told me two days before the test that I was doing it wrong. I had been doing it that exact way for at least 6 months before that.
So I've got some decisions to make. I feel like the right decision has to be get a new coach, but I've got a few issues with that. One is money. Danny and I are buying a new house, so I just don't feel like I should spend alot of money on coaching right now. The second is my sister. I've really liked having this time we could hang out, and I don't really want to give that up (of course I guess I already have with my not-skating). Everytime I think about this whole situation I cry. So instead...I've just not been thinking about it. :( I don't know what to do, so until I do...I'm not sure I'll be doing any skating.